I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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