I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
