I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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