those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
