This house was built for laser tag.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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