You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
