Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
