Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
i think my cat just said my name.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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