Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
