Apparently you make a good broom.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
