Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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