Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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