I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
