dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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