OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
