Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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