I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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