something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
