New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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