Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
