You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
