Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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