I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Soap is not a condiment
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
