Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
