Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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