well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
