Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
