never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
