his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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