Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
