alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm getting married
To pizza
At least life still wants to fuck me.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
