i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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