How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
