as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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