I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
