I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
