The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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