i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
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Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
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Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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