I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
