So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
