yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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