Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
