Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
