I CAN MOONWALK!
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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