And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
