At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
