I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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