Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
