Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
