party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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