Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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