i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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