I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
How naked do you want me to be?
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