Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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