It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
