Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
