I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
