I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
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I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
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Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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