our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Panties = found
Randomize