my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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