every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
