I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
