I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
