Duck Duck Cougar?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
