So drunk its hurt
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
