I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
