he wants to bone in the snuggie
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
