I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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