My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
