Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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