i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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