Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
What a dumb baby whore.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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