a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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