first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
