she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
