Kiss
Puke
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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