In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
