How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
