Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
