could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
